How to Clean Your Whole House

  1. Commit to writing today.
  2. Open a laptop.
  3. Tell the cats to be quiet.
  4. Stare at the blank screen.
  5. Close your laptop.
  6. Realize there are unwashed dishes in the sink. The thought of someone coming over, and seeing that not only did no writing get done, but the dishes also didn’t get done, is unacceptable.
  7. Get an idea while washing the dishes.
  8. Hastily open the laptop and type a paragraph before running out of inspiration.
  9. Decide to pick the clothes off the floor in the bedroom, after all, maybe another spark of inspiration will hit. None will.
  10. Now that the clothes are in the hamper. Realize that laundry has to be done either today or tomorrow, and since some writing has already been done, it’s okay to do other important tasks like laundry.
  11. Elbow deep, cleaning the toilet bowl, consider writing a “Cinderella” and “The Shining” cross over. It will be about a struggling author, forced to clean a house by his evil ex-wife and step-son, who was magically selected for greatness. Scrap the idea. No one wants to read about someone cleaning the toilet bowl. Besides, the carpet hasn’t been vacuumed in who-knows-how-long. How can one write, when the carpet is disbursing a barrage of allergens?
  12. Repeat ad nauseam.

What do you think? Right? Wrong? Pure poppycock?