I’ve compiled a list of my best ideas that will fix everything and not have any negative consequences. If you like these ideas, then they are serious recommendations. Let your local law maker that you want to see these changes. If you don’t like these ideas, they are purely for entertainment purposes and meant only to stimulate inquiry. Try to smile and enjoy.
Random agency closure
Every year, one agency gets closed, chosen at random. Maybe 2026 is the year the CIA closes up shop. Maybe 2027 is the year that the FDA shuts the doors. Instead of each president playing with the funding, increasing or decreasing as they see fit, the agency just evaporates overnight. If we need the agency, we can recreate it the next year. If we find that nothing has changed, then we are apparently better off without that agency. We won’t know until we try. It’s like the fable of the little boy on the corner selling “tiger whistles.” There’s no tigers, so what’s the point of the whistle? “No, no,” says the boy, “there’s no tigers because of the whistle.” We can’t know if he’s telling the truth unless we try getting rid of the whistles. It could be snake oil, or rabbit’s feet. We can’t know if they are beneficial unless we have something to compare it to.
Random voting
There has never been an election decided by a single vote. It’s a myth that a single vote counts. If it really ever came to a single vote, they would just recount. It’s essentially an axiom that a single vote doesn’t count. Therefore, there is no rational reason for an individual to vote. Maybe there is an emotion. Voting makes you feel powerful, proud, and morally righteous. Maybe there is a sense of duty. But ultimately it’s not a rational decision. There is a way to fix this! Assign each ballot a number. Number as many ping pong balls as there are votes and put the balls in a cage. Shake the cage a bunch. Then pull out a single ping pong ball. That’s the winner of the election!
Ars-tocracy
Our legislative bodies are ailing. Their time is entirely consumed with debate and filibuster. They give long speeches to each other. The speeches fall on deaf ears. It’s purely performative for their constituents to show how hard they are fighting. Talk is cheap. And speeches aren’t the only performance and are hardly the best way to convey a deeply felt message. From now on, Senators and Representatives will be required to make their points using anything but speeches. Suggestions include: interpretive dance, live theater, stand up comedy, short film, painting, and sculpture. They will save their breath and we will see what they really feel in their heart.
Tax reform
No taxes: No sales tax, No income tax, No property tax. Nothing. But everyone has an obligatory 10 year commitment to work for the government. You can be a high school teacher, construction worker, or bureaucrat. You can’t work in the private sector until you’ve earned your work-license.